And honestly, I’m good with that!
Before you think I’m crazy, let me explain. I remember when I was in high school and college, I absolutely believed my marriage would be the stuff that movies were made of. I mean, I had visions of me and my future wife jet-setting around the globe, eating the richest foods, taking amazing vacations monthly, and having great sex—nightly! The songs I’d heard and movies I’d seen had me so looking forward to this crazy, limitless lifestyle with my future Mrs., that when I saw a couple who didn’t have that kind of married life, I wondered if they were doing something wrong.
But then I got married. And then we went to work. And then we developed a routine. And then we had kids. And all of sudden, the movie-magic marriage I’d envisioned was the complete opposite; but get this: I love it! You see, I realized that if you want twists, turns, shocks, and surprises, you go to a sporting event or a concert or a movie; but what you want in a marriage is continuity, consistency, and stability. After 9 years of marriage, I’ve learned there’s a blessing in what I used to think was boring. My definition of excitement has changed, and I couldn’t be happier. It’s exciting to come home to someone who loves you not for what you do, but for who you are; it’s exciting to look forward to sitting on the couch together for hours binge-watching Stranger Things and not feel like you’re missing out on some happier version of life; it’s exciting to be intimate with someone who wants to share themselves with you and only you; it’s exciting to raise children who run around the house playing hide-and-seek, fight over tablets and toys, love each other to the moon and can’t stand to be away from each other for too long; and it’s exciting to build a life with someone you literally didn’t even know existed before they caught your eye all those years ago.
I’ll be the first to tell you marriage is very “vanilla”. In other words, it can be basic, bland, and yes, boring; however, one thing I love about vanilla is that it’s an awesome base. It’s such an awesome base that you can add chocolate sauce (romantic getaways) to it, sprinkles (staycations), cookie pieces (date nights), caramel (gifts), and so many other things, and yet it never loses its flavor. That’s marriage. While the add-ons are great and definitely help elevate the flavor, if you got good vanilla, it can always stand on its own. Sometimes we might not have the money for chocolate sauce or the “store” might be out of cookie pieces, but if that’s the case, I’m still good because I got quality “vanilla”. Nine years in, I haven’t done everything right, haven’t been the ideal husband at times, and I’ve probably messed up more than I care to remember; however, as someone who used to want a love life filled with constant activity and a busy schedule, I’ve never been so happy being bored.